I’m really bummed out.

I am feeling really low. It could just be a mood swing, it could be for valid reasons. It doesn’t change the fact that I just feel shitty.

Today was the first day back in school. It was overall not too bad, I had some fun. Meeting back old friends and new people too. It was good, actually.

But the killer of the day was when I was telling the friends about my holiday in Greece and then I started thinking about Elias and my mood eventually descended from there on, though I didn’t show it. In reality, I shouldn’t really be missing Elias that much - but I just can’t fucking help it. So, I was in Santorini for a week and for lunch we always when to this beach side restauraunt called ‘Pasta Fresca’ which was belonging to the Hotel Sunshine. Elias was a waiter who worked there, and the first time we went to Pasta Fresca he was our waiter. We chatted with him and talked a lot, he’s from Albania but has been in Greece for 11 years. To be honest, he’s not that hot - he’s fit, but not really hot. When we were leaving the restraunt after the first time we went there, he slightly winked at me and I just gushed. I guess I developed an attraction for him. We used to walk past the place he worked at a lot and everytime we’d either stop for a chat, flash some smiles. That sort of thing.

Then one night, my Mom & I were coming back from a pub place and we saw him on the way back home, just about to get off work. And we were talking again and it was really fun and stuff. Somehow we came to the topic of ages and he asked me mine, I asked him to guess and he though I was around 21-22. I had to tell him I was only 15, even though I could’ve lied and I did in some other cases with other people - I just couldn;t lie to him. He was surprised, naturally. I remember him saying this ‘I wanted to ask you out for drink, but now, I guess that would be… you know. But I mean, if you want we can still go out for drinks?’ and I knew it wasnlt going to happen then but I just had to gulp and act casual, saying ‘Yeah, sure - why not.’

It’s not the case that I’m too young to drink or anything, though technically I am. I mean, during lunch and dinners I was drinking one cocktail or another, and I’d be smoking like a goddamn chimney. My parents were cool with that, since it was holidays. My Dad doesn’t mind me continueing with those habits now even (my Mom’s a killjoy when school starts). I guess he wasnlt comfortable with the age gap, and I think that’s massively responsible of him but it still hurts, you know?

On my last night in Santorini, I was going out for a last night of partying and I saw him on the way. Stopped to have a chat, and I remember saying ‘Maybe we’ll see you at Ethnic [pub/club] later?” and he said something like ‘Yeah, but I don’t know what time I get off work and I’ll go home and take a shower to freshen up then I’ll try meet you guys up.” and I had my hopes up that i’d get to say goodbye to him properly. But then at Ethnic, the live band was playing and I was enjoying the music. When I ordered my third Tequilla Sunrise, didn;t tell my Mom, she found out and got pissed off because she though I was drinking too much. So I had to slurp my drink and leave quick, without getting to see Elias again.

Back at the hotel, Mom was fuming and went to bed ASAP. I had another quick puff and slept too. My Dad was knocked out hours earlier. After about 2 and half hours of trying to sleep but not being able to, I was tipsy and buzzing, I ran to the bathroom to hurl my sorry guts out. The next day I was supposed to go on a tour to see the Santorini Sunset, but I was way too hungover to so I begged and pleaded and got my way.

I spent the day crying.

And the day after, crying as well.

I’m still crying, weeks after.

And remembering Elias today, my mood just got killed.

Is this love? Can you fall in love with someone you only knew for 4 days? if it is, it’s cuts like a knife.

Why?